Kevin F. Sherry -- NOTEBOOK

I’m in the process of recovering from a severe injury inflicted to my

head.

Specifically I’m talking about my last haircut. I’m three weeks into the

new growth, and only now has my hair grown back long enough for me to

comb. That should tell you just how bad it was to begin with.

Some people have bad hair days. So far, June has been a bad hair month.

Unlike most bad choices people make, bad haircuts cannot be hidden away.

They sit there, atop your head, just waiting for someone to laugh or

express remorse.

In my case, no scissors were involved. I asked for “a little left on the

top to part,” which was somehow misinterpreted as “sheared to the skull.”

I knew I was in trouble when the first instrument the stylist grabbed was

an electric razor instead of scissors. I’m not sure, but I think she had

to pick some wool out of the clippers before she aimed it at my hairline.

With the first swipe, I knew I was doomed.

I came out of the chair looking like a cross between a newborn and the

elder men of my family, male pattern baldness and all. The removal of so

much hair served only to highlight where my scalp would eventually shine

like a mirror, possibly blinding pilots in low-flying aircraft.

And other than wearing a baseball cap or stocking up on a whole new

collection of festive berets, there’s no good way to draw attention away

from the big mistake on your head. You know that everyone notices, but

you say nothing and act as though that’s exactly how you want your head

to look.

Children laugh, dogs bark and adults avert their eyes as you walk down

the street.

A good haircut, of course, has the opposite effect. Suddenly you’re

walking a foot taller, confident in all you do. You look at others

defiantly, as though to say, “bow to the power of my follicles” or

something to that effect.

One solution to avoiding the bad haircut might be to add some

nontraditional coloring. If you walk out into the world with blue hair,

everyone will be so distracted by the hue that they’ll pay no attention

to tne rest of your hair, good or bad.

Someday we’ll probably be able to punch our haircut preferences into a

home computer, which will then fire lasers at us to keep us perfectly

coiffed. Until then, we have to rely on the stylists’ abilities to

interpret our vague directions.

Until then, we’re at the mercy of the stylists, although I suppose I

might as well enjoy these follicle follies while I can. Barring any

miracle drug therapies, I expect that I have maybe five years left before

my paternal genes (bald spot in the back) conspire with my maternal genes

(massive bald spot on the top one-third) to render me with no hair above

my ears.

By my calculations, that’s about the time that all the hair energy that

used to go to the top of my head will get redirected to appear in

unwanted spots, like ears and nostrils.

That’s what you’d call a bad hair decade.

* KEVIN SHERRY is a Times Community News editor. He can be reached by

e-mail at o7 [email protected] .